All content is ©2008 Karl Heitmueller Jr. / TOUGH GUY Goods and Services. No ownership is implied of copyrighted material. ORIGINALLY POSTED February, 2004
			THE MOTION PICTURE LOG At the dawn of 1980, having just turned 15, I decided that I needed to start chronicling my motion picture attendance. I felt that my keen critical analysis demanded to be put to paper, that future generations would benefit from my unique perspective and razor sharp deconstruction of the artform of film. Thus, THE MOTION PICTURE LOG was born. The first movie entered in the first volume was STAR TREK: THE MOTION PICTURE (which may have dictated the more formal “motion picture log” tag instead of the colloquial “movie diary” or “flick journal”). Just for the record, I saw STAR TREK on January 5th, 1980 with my pals Bill Allison and Jeff Boyle at the Wonderland Cinema in Lancaster PA and the ticket cost four bucks. I noted the cast (it wouldn’t be until 1984 that I’d start listing the director), film rating and gave it a short review. “Great job on all cast members - esp. DeForest and the Enterprise!” Awkward grammar aside, I feel proud that I was one of the first cineasts to note the burgeoning acting ability of the federation starship. Who can forget the NCC-1701’s heart wrenching turn as the blind gospel singer in THE COLOR PURPLE? STAR TREK: TMP rated four and a half stars (out of five). When I moved to the 1 to 10 rating system, I retroactively re-graded the films in the log, and the movie was given an 8. Which now seems a tad high. I think I’d bump that down to a 7 or perhaps a 6 and a half (are halves allowed?)     My Kaelocity continued through the year. LITTLE DARLINGS evoked this passionate critique: “Eh! Some of this film was good, but other parts stank.” Upon viewing THE SHINING, I noted “Although it isn’t an exact adaptation of Stephen King’s novel, it is fantastic.” Which is funny because I’d never READ the book (to this day, I haven’t read any of King’s, uh, output). That summer I saw THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK five times (even though Jeff and Bill told me in advance about Luke’s parentage... bastards) and I deemed the “sfx well up to par.” Too bad the same can’t be said of the current crop of truly awful STAR WARS movies. Some of my reviews took on a poetic simplicity. In regards to HALLOWEEN, I decided “Best victim, but kinda dense: Jamie Lee. Jerk: Donald Pleasance.” I called the Robert Redford prison drama BRUBAKER “realistic as hell,” and who should know the penal system better than a teenager from rural Pennsylvania? Well, at least I had the cinematic good sense to realize, even back then, that SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT 2 was “not nearly as good as the first one.” And that was just 1980. Over the years, as my handwriting got neater, my reviews grew in breadth and verbiage. In 1983, I wrote two and a half pages about PSYCHO II (which got an enthusiastic 10!). And by the time the first BATMAN movie came out in 1989, I was probably at the height of my geekdom. Not only did I write over seven handwritten pages about the movie, but I LIKED IT! To reread it now, I almost seemed to be trying to convince myself that Tim Burton could direct and that Michael Keaton was a great choice to play Batman. Oh, I had my problems with the script, but I was far too forgiving, even going so far as to say “considering the magnitude of the level they were trying to reach, Burton and crew did a dazzling job!” Yikes! This anal retentive nonsense has continued to this very day. I just started THE MOTION PICTURE LOG volume eight (returning to the handwritten format after doing it on the computer since 1997), which has two entries so far (RETURN OF THE KING and MONSTER). I’ve long since stopped rating the movies and actually rarely go into any in-depth analysis anymore. Actually, I’ve found that the best thing about these books is the treks down memory lane. When I look through twenty three years of movie entries, it’s as potent as a photo album. I laugh at how pretentious and completely dorky I was (not that I’m totally cured of those ailments). I shake my head over movies I can’t remember that I saw with people whom I’ve completely forgotten. I recall funny stories like when Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson sitting in front of us at SPIDER-MAN. There are movies I now know by heart that I went to with people I’ll never forget. I’m reminded of the tensile nature of friendship. I remember falling in love. I remember sexual tension and excitement and happiness and heartbreak. And snacks. Yeah, THE MOTION PICTURE LOG is a supremely geeky thing to do. And I’m sure that the many hours I spent writing my thoughts on things like the artistic merits of DIE HARDER could’ve been spent on more productive activities. But you know what? This stuff matters. And I can’t imagine I’m ever gonna stop.